Listening is a powerful success skill
By WILLIAM HODGES
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. said, “It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” I know we have discussed listening in this column before, but because I believe it is one of the most critical success skills that we can learn, I am giving it more space.
The techniques of listening should be a required subject from kindergarten through college; but since it isn’t, here are a few ideas that may prove helpful in your communications with other people.
1. Think “listen” when talking to others. Remember that a conversation implies two-way interchange of ideas. When the other person starts to talk, have a sign come into your mind that says, “Listen.”
2. Listen to the other person’s whole body. Pay attention not only to the words of the other person, but note the person’s body positions and gestures.
3. Listen for the relationship between words. For example, a person who is prone to use words like “great,” and “terrific” in everyday conversation might begin to describe something as “okay” or “all right.” These words are telling you something has changed. The same is true of someone who normally understates the words they use and then begins to use superlatives.
4. Block out distractions. Pauline Frederick said, “When a male gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a female gets up, people look, then if they like what they see, they listen.” But I feel the latter is probably true of both men and women. Many people fail to listen because they are distracted. Make a conscious effort to hear what the speaker has to say, and not be distracted by what he or she is wearing or something else that is going on at the same time.
5. Guard your emotions. For all of us, there are certain words that cause us to react in an emotional way. For instance, I’m sure you can think of at least five words that are derogatory words used to describe members of some races. When those words are voiced, they set up mental barriers. Know your “red flag” words, and do not allow them to destroy your capability to listen.
6. Respect what the other person is trying to say. As a listener, we must actively participate in the conversation. I know there have been times when I knew what the other person was trying to say, but because they were unable to use specific words, I obstinately refused to understand their message. This type of action can be frustrating for the speaker and does nothing to facilitate useful communication.
7. Ask for feedback. Once you think you have grasped what the other person is saying, give feedback by paraphrasing their statements and telling them what you understood them to say. This gives them an opportunity to either change their statement, expand on it or agree that you understand it.
Listening is an important skill. Some of the most powerful men and women I know all share the capability to listen intently to all that is going on around them. This ability to listen helps them be well informed. And because society prizes a good listener, they are well liked. The next time you get into a conversation with someone, spend more time listening and less time talking. You can’t help but win by doing that.
William Hodges is a nationally recognized speaker, trainer and syndicated columnist. He also hosts an interview-format television program, Spotlight on Government, on the Tampa Bay Community Network, that airs Mondays at 8 p.m. (Spectrum channel 639, Verizon channel 30) and Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m. (Spectrum channel 638, Verizon channel 36). The shows can also be viewed at hodgesvideos.com. Phone: 813-641-0816. Email: bill@billhodges.com Website: billhodges.com.
