Positive Talk
A FLIGHT OF FANCY
By
Sep 4, 2008 - 8:46:59 AM

In this column, I cover some very important matters that can affect the lives of my readers, but none of them are more important than the need for humor in our lives. This week’s column is dedicated to making you smile and, in that way, adding some fun to your life—and maybe life to your years. One of the toughest jobs I know is that of flight attendant. The job can be boring and repetitive but also spiked with moments of pure panic. A sense of humor for these stewards of the sky is a must, and occasionally they will share humorous thoughts with the traveling public. Here are a few announcements that have been reported to be made before, during and after flights. I hope they make you smile.

•    “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”

•    “As you exit the plane, please be sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

•    Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

•    “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.”

•    “To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”
Of course the pilots get in the game every once in a while. Here are some of their comments.

•    “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern.”

•    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella...WHOA!”

I suppose I should not leave the passengers out of this because they use humor to survive some of these flights as well.

•    A pilot had hammered his ship onto the runway really hard. His airline required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and say, “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no, Ma’am,” said the pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady smiled a sly smile and said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”

I hope this flight of fancy has brightened your day. We can tackle the tough stuff again next week.

Bill Hodges Hosts Television Program
Bill Hodges also hosts an interview-format television program, “Spotlight On Tampa Bay.” It airs Mondays at 8 p.m., Bright House cable channel 950 and Verizon cable channel 30. His guests for September 8 and 22 will be Florida State House Representative Faye Culp from District 57. She is vice chair of the House committee conservation and state lands.  This program will be repeated on September 10 and 24 at 7:30 p.m. on channel 949.

Appearing on Monday, September 15 and 29, is Florida Senate District 16, Senator Charlie Justice. Senator Justice will, among other things, give us his thoughts on some of the ballot initiatives that will be presented in November. The program will be repeated on Wednesday, September 17 and October 1, at 7:30 p.m. on channel 949.

Bright House subscribers who cannot get the higher channels can get—at no installation fee and a monthly $1 fee—a box to allow access to the upper level government and educational channels. Call Bright House for details on the rental. If you are unhappy about having to pay extra to see your government in action, complain to your state representatives and the Hillsborough BOCC which have either caused this situation or been complicit in allowing it to continue.



© Copyright 2008 by The Observer News Publications and M&M Printing