Negative self-talk can hurt — what are you saying to yourself?
By WILLIAM HODGES
In Mark 9:23 of the Bible, Jesus said, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” I think the reverse is also true. If thou cannot believe, all things are impossible to you. When we cease to believe in some goal, we cease to work toward it. More often than not, when we cease to believe, we begin the self-defeating talk that ensures our surrender. Negative self-talk sounds like this:
“I am no good with names.”
“I just can’t lose weight.”
“I’m not smart enough to do that.”
“I never did have any talent.”
“Creativity just eludes me.”
“No matter what I do, I can’t get in shape.”
“I just can’t quit smoking.”
“All my family is fat; there’s no sense in my trying to be thin.”
“If I quit smoking, I’m just going to gain weight.”
“I guess I’m just stupid.”
“No use trying; people won’t like me anyway.”
“If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.”
“I can’t get organized.”
“I never have enough time.”
“I’ll be glad when this week is over.”
“I must be slow.”
“I don’t deserve any of the good things.”
“I just can’t seem to clean up my desk.”
“If I lose weight, I’ll gain it right back.”
“I’m just too short.”
“I’m just too tall.”
“I’m just too thin.”
“I’m just too fat.”
“I’m just too …..”
These are only a few examples of negative self-talk I hear from people all the time. For the most part, these people really don’t mean what they say. But what they say, their mind begins acting out, as though it were a play. The mind hears what you say and translates it into a role. You’re the star of the play. You’re doing the writing, and the mind is causing you to follow the script exactly as you wrote it.
When you say, “I can’t lose weight,” the mind creates a scenario. In this scenario, you act the part of someone who cannot lose weight. You have a tendency to eat the wrong things—and too much of them. You fail to exercise, because there’s no use — you’re going to be fat anyway. Even when you decide to diet, if you have convinced your mind you cannot lose weight, you’re doomed to failure.
The same is true for anything you want to do. When you say, “I can’t quit smoking,” “I can’t remember names,” or “I can’t clean up my desk,” your mind will not make a liar of you. You will, in fact, not be able to quit smoking, you will not remember names, and your desk will remain cluttered.
The first step in belief is to confess your belief out loud. There are few things that are beyond you. If you are only 4 feet 9 inches tall, you probably won’t be able to play professional basketball. An actual physical characteristic might prevent you from accomplishing a task, but beyond that, most things are attainable. If you wish to quit smoking, repeat over and over to yourself, “I can quit smoking.” If you wish to remember names, when you come up with a blank, say out loud to yourself, “I can remember names. My mind will give me the name in just a minute.” It may sound simple, but many of the solutions to our everyday problems are, in fact, simple. Don’t make them more difficult than they are.
I opened this column with a Biblical quote and I will close it in the same way. Later, in Mark 11:24, Jesus said, “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” Well, whether you believe in prayer or not, whatever you think about and fervently wish for is most likely to happen to you, because it will be the thing your mind is working toward.
William Hodges is a nationally recognized speaker, trainer and syndicated columnist. He also hosts an interview-format television program, Spotlight on Government, on the Tampa Bay Community Network, that airs Mondays at 8 p.m. (Spectrum channel 639, Verizon channel 30) and Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m. (Spectrum channel 638, Verizon channel 36). The shows can also be viewed at hodgesvideos.com. Phone: 813-641-0816. E-mail: bill@billhodges.com Website: billhodges.com.